Burned

My brother's best friend's (R) house burned to the ground yesterday morning. In less than one hour the front half of the place was gone and R has third degree burns up and down his arms.

My brother (G) used to live there, but he had moved out for the spring semester. G had just gone back that night for one last party, as all the guys were moving out on the first of June. And by 6 am the next morning it was all gone.

In less than an hour your whole perspective can change. Even for me, I'm not sure how much materialistic things matter when they can be burnt to a crisp before your very eyes. At the end of the day I think all we have is each other, and the roof over our heads, but even then it's all only temporary.

Obligation

Sometimes I wonder if Im too mechanical. I'm good at doing what's right for me and knowing where exactly my heart wants. But I also think I'm good at being content with where I am and satisfied with knowing this "path" may just be the right choice.

Sometimes I look at my brother and see an independent person making his own decisions based on no one's ideas except his own. He lives completely for himself and objects fully if anyone ever interrupts him. He only worries about pleasing himself. He lives loudly.

Sometimes I wish I lived like that. I wish I could stop caring about pleasing people and make my own choices and say whatever I like when ever I like. I wish I lived more loudly.

This is where I am supposed to be

After much debate and anguish I made one of the hardest decisions I've had to make in a long time. It came down to either spending the summer working as an intern at the YMCA or being a counselor at Skylake. The Y was willing to pay me a generous amount and it would have been to nice to spend a summer in Boise, as I haven't done that in over 5 years, but Skylake is one of those last "hurrah" type things, and also something I was completely terfified of. So after much coaching from both my parents I chose Skylake Yosemite Camp.
The best thing about all of this was that I learned the most valuable advice I will probably ever receive. My mom told me that whatever is the scariest in life is what I should probably go for. And I think its true, in the end the thing that was most appealing about the YMCA was that I knew I would be safe there, that it would be something I was good at and knew I could live at home and be sheltered. Whereas for Skylake its scary to think about working at a NEW camp in a NEW location with NEW people and NEW kids. But in the end this is where I will grow the most.
And as my Dad said, "Did you ever think that maybe this was what the good lord had planned?" And I think it is. I mean after this 3 month search Im back where I started with a offer to play in Yosemite all summer and GROW.
I would have been mad to turn such an offer down.
So I leave on the 6th of June, to drive down with my mom, see my Dad's apartment in Fresno and then escape to Skylake, where everything will be strange for only about 30 seconds.
Wish me luck!