Doubt

I love summer, now for different reasons that I used to. Now I love developing plans and dreaming of the possibilities that could await me. I like finding applications and different doors that may lead me to different types of employment. And I'm usually the type of person who gets excited for change, and for the possibilities of new plans.

But this year it seems I have had a lot of irons in the fire and each one keeps coming out cold. I'm tired of finding more doors and opening them only to find closed windows. I'm frustrated with not knowing where I should be or even which direction I'm supposed to go. I'm ready just to feel sorry for myself and live at home.

Easter Blues

I used to love Easter. The pretty dresses at church, hunting for eggs all over the house, and even ham dinner. Now Easter has a different meaning. Now it is the party after the 40 days of Lenten journey that I struggled to take. It is the resurrection of Christ, on Sunday morning when just two days ago we had thought the Devil had won. It is God's last laugh over all things evil. It is him reassuring our hearts that when it comes to death and life, he deals the cards.

But sitting in church today, I didn't feel it like I wanted to. I was bitter and doubtful in what the holiday has come to mean. The pews were packed, as were the folding chairs stuffed in between each isle, and as I looked around the crowded church not one face looked familiar. And rather than being thankful that these strangers showed up for such a joyful celebration, I was bitter that they only came for the party and not the journey to the cross, through Lent and through the whole year.

And I know I feel this every year, and I wish I didn't. I wish it didn't bother me, as I know God is just glad that they remember and loves them just the same.

And then in the first lesson, Acts 10:34 "I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism but accepts men from every nation who fear him and do what is right. "

And for that I sat Grace.