Sunday, February 19, 2006

Marriage- part 2

On Valentine's Day I spent most of the evening at a bar with a friend discussing boys. Not in the negative, anti-V-day sense, but in the celebration of our independence. It was a night to celebrate love, in many regards. We ended up discussing love and marriage with a previous classmate. He is married and finishing his masters while his wife works in Texas.
I openly expressed my doubts and fears of both love and marriage. And he openly shared his experiences with us. It was a truly opening experience for us all.
And in the end it got me thinking. Maybe the reason people get married is because they don't want to be alone. If this world is so large and we rarely make lasting connections, marriage must be away to ensure that our lives wont go unnoticed. Life isn't meant to be lived alone. It can act as a way to ensure that one person, for the rest of your life, will be interested in you. That your actions will never be unnoticed.
As I think about the direction my life will take after graduation, I've found that I kept wishing for another person to make plans with. Or some sort of obligation I had for someone else. But all I have is myself.
So after this realization, I was thinking about how it must be a natural feeling to want someone else to make plans with. I want someone to take those steps with. And it also explains that empty feeling I have at the end of the day when I realize no one else really knows what I did all day. I don't want to live life alone, at least not all of it.
For now I'm ok with taking those steps into the future with no one else. It's scary, but I need this chance to grow.

1 Comments:

Blogger matt said...

for your complements, thank you.
in regards to your most recent post, its something i've been thinking about too, though admittedly from a different perspective. independence has its positives and negatives, as does being in a long-term, maybe (hopefully) even for life, relationship.
kirstyn and i have a lot of things to figure out yet -- working through that tension is one of them. i think i'll actually have a blog post about that, if i can hurry up and finish it.

it's good to see your words again.

7:32 PM  

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